What the-

[inneedofasmoke]

[1]

[People have been wondering why random bits of clothing have been going missing, bits of non-essential machinery vanished and meat supplies from the kitchen have absconded.]

[It may also tie into the mystery of why Elena may have been coated with blood too.]

[One may wonder if Luger has anything to do with it because he seems to be VERY happy for some reason.]

[2]

[Its some isolated part of the Chalice... and you smell cooking meat.]

[When you investigate, you'll find a hideous person shaped thing made up of sewn up steaks, sausages, mincemeat and other such things, shoved into badly sewn together clothes. Electricity is arcing off of several electrodes randomly jammed throughout its body. When you notice the disproportionately large and sack-like protrusion between the Meat-Man's legs, you honest to god only have one person in mind when you try to figure out who did this.]

[You would also notice that 'Meat Man' also has a dyed yellow mop on its head and a pair of retro sunglasses over where its eyes would roughly be. There's also a sign on its neck that reads...]

[Oh you can't be serious.]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Live! Live my creation! LIVE! DICK PENTAGON! Mein Child!

[3]

[Everyone. Luger seems to have packed up his possessions and is getting his Leo onto a shuttle. Something is up. very up.]

I'm leaving. I had a conversation with someone on board and I'm thinking maybe its time I did something to deal with the infection.

I'll be meeting up with some of Herr Doktor Zoldark's people and giving them everything I know.

Maybe we'll meet again Ja?

[Luger is leaving.... Party time?]

Comments

1

[leftjoker]

You're certainly in a better mood than last time, Luger. What's the occasion?

[inneedofasmoke]

Well herr detective. I've been taking up... art... you could call it. Elena's been helping me.

[He doesn't even wince now when the pain sets in... though he does rub at the side of his head - and his smile gets a little tighter.]

Its been quite amusing.

[leftjoker]

Ho? Art is it? You always were good with your hands when it came to that trade. What sort of undertaking have you and your friend been doing?

[inneedofasmoke]

Sculpture! We've been gathering a lot of materials from all over the place for it!

[He claps his hands happily.]

Mein Freund I do believe it'll be my greatest work yet!

[leftjoker]

Sculpture? Interesting. Is it in the same venue as your previous work? [He still has the prints from last time. Yup.]

[inneedofasmoke]

Somewhere else Herr Detective I would rather not have anyone stumble on it before its time.

[leftjoker]

Somewhere else? It must be pretty excellent for you to keep it secret even now, Luger. You have high hopes for this?

[inneedofasmoke]

If its been able to keep those voices out of my head for days?

ja!

I do!

1/2 Prompt one end!

[leftjoker]

['It keeps those awful things out of his head?!'] That's great, Luger! I can't wait to see the finished product! I'm sure it's going to be inspired!

2/2 PROMPT TWO: READY? FIGHT!

[leftjoker]

['Well it's certainly inspired by something!'] OH GOD, WHAT THE HELL IS IT!? [Cue flailing and falling into table!]

[inneedofasmoke]

Sometimes when a man can't have a son, he has to get creative! Like the great genius Doktor Frankenstien I have decided to MAKE something!

[He cackles with glee... also Shou... That meat? Though its still raw in a majority.... somehow its hot. REALLY HOT. You think you can hear gurgling and bubbling... and blasts of steam leave the man shaped meat-thing at irregular intervals!]

... And as an added touch, in the event we need a charsimatic face! We have one here!

[leftjoker]

[So what does he comment on? The Heat? The Steam? The fact it's made out of meat?]

While I'm glad you don't associate Frankenstein's name with his monster- [Nope, he's discussing literature choices]-you do realize that pretty much everyone in the book hated the monster, Frankenstein included, don't you? What happens if you start irrationally hating your creation of [He really doesn't want to say it] Dick Pentagon?

[inneedofasmoke]

Why would I hate him herr detective? I didn't put all this effort to make something that I'd just end up wanting to set on fire.

[leftjoker]

I'm just saying, the reference might be in bad taste. [Not that it's stopped Luger before.] So, this will become your son, will it?

[inneedofasmoke]

That's the idea!

We both know I can't have kids normally.

[leftjoker]

So that's the goal of this endeavor then, Luger? [How can he fault him for trying to thwart those bastards invading his head?]

How much more will you need to do in order to succeed?

[inneedofasmoke]

... Its ...

[He trails off into incomprehensible German... though some words like 'Pipe Wrench', 'hosing things down' and 'Banana Shoes' seem to slip back into some form of coherent language... though it makes even less sense.]

And I think mein freund I need just a little bit more electricity.

2

[saikyocivrobo]

What.

[inneedofasmoke]

Herr Wolf. I honestly wonder. What is it like to be a father? Then I got bored and wondered what it would be like to be the father of a fully grown meat robot!

So I observed Herr Doktor Zero's Zombie machines and decided to attempt to create something close to both a child AND a zombie robot!

[Somehow, you get the feeling that the smell of burning fat may be coming from Luger's mad creation. He paused and muttered.]

Of course if I used random slabs of meat I could shape instead of some person's corpse I can make it in my own image!

[...A very twisted image indeed.]

[saikyocivrobo]

Don't tell me you expect this thing to move.

[inneedofasmoke]

I expect a great many things Herr Wolf. I just need to get the last few preparations underway.

This conversation is all in German

[saikyocivrobo]

I'm a man of science and as much as I'd like to see you become a modern Victor Frankenstein, I'm afraid the more likely outcome is that the local hobo population finds your [cough] Dick Pentagon by his smell of burning meat, and eats him.

Re: This conversation is all in German

[inneedofasmoke]

Bah, by the time that happens he'll be able to throw them across rooms.

[He pauses, pulling a knife and literally sculpting at the thing's jaw a little.]

[saikyocivrobo]

I'm not sure how to break it to you, but you won't make a steak move just by zapping it with electicity.

[inneedofasmoke]

Of course I can! Hold on...

[He pulls out a cattleprod off a makeshift side table and jabs it into Dick's arm. There's a loud crack as the arm literally jumped. Of course any sane man would realise it might have been a release of a steam buildup from the meat.]

[saikyocivrobo]

Ooookay.

Make sure your meat boy is still in edible condition when you're done playing with him, okay? It'd be a pity, wasting so much food.

[inneedofasmoke]

It would be a pity... of course if anyone would want to eat him after I'm done...

2

[possibly_here]

[Stares. Just... stares.]

[inneedofasmoke]

Look at him! Isn't he amazing?

[Amazing is not the word you'd use for the meatslab.]

[possibly_here]

... Considering your experiences with the Infection, I thought you'd be the last person to try this sort of thing.

[inneedofasmoke]

Hah!

[He seems to smile a little more sedately.]

There's a difference between this and the infection! The infection wants to eat me and make me suffer for all eternity... Dick Pentagon on the other hand will make my life easier!

[possibly_here]

... Right.

How?

[inneedofasmoke]

By being made of meat! And Charisma! See those sunglasses?

If I play my cards right I can have him walk out of nowhere, make a speech and put an army between me and the infection!

[possibly_here]

[And when all is said and done, Kazuki-]

You're insane.

... More than I thought, at any rate.

[... Does not have kind words for this scheme. Tatsumiya Island's response to the Festum wasn't amazing, but it was at least more sensible than Luger's solution to the Infection.]

[inneedofasmoke]

...Did you expect anything else?

[He seems to deadpan it. After all, when you consider his position... yeah.]

[possibly_here]

I don't know... work on a cure. Something like that.

[inneedofasmoke]

A cure? I'm not a scientist....

Hmph.... But.... maybe...

[possibly_here]

You... probably have more experience with this than most of the people, right? Maybe you could help out somehow.

[He's taking the idea of working for a cure seriously, so huzzah. Maybe Luger just needed a nudge in the right direction!]

[inneedofasmoke]

I was there at the outbreak Ja....

[He seemed to be greatly considering it.]

But I still think my idea's go-

[There's a loud whistling noise... before a sharp BANG rang out - meat goes flying everywhere! Luger in particular gets hit by a T-bone to the side of his head. He has a distinctly pained expression from the sheer heat of the meat and carefully pulls if off his head.]

Okay. You know what? I'll go see what I can do to get that verdamnt cure.

[themomentoftherose]

Doctor Zero looks confused as she looks this thing over. Then she looks embarrassed as she notices he's hung like a shopping bag.

"I d-don't think this is how you m-make a Stalker..."

[inneedofasmoke]

Ah but Herr Doktor.. I am only working with what I know...

[Which is... as everyone knows... complete insanity.]

If I was taught how to make them I would make him properly.

[After making a prosthetic dong most likely.]

[themomentoftherose]

She sighs.

"Well, I suppose there wouldn't be much harm if I showed you the basics..."

She swallowed from a suddenly watering mouth. At least all this meat wouldn't be completely wasted...

2

[gamenojikan]

Well now. That's...

...something.

[inneedofasmoke]

It IS something! Something AWESOME!

[gamenojikan]

What on earth do you even have planned for that...

...thing.