Shellshock and Horror / The fracturing of a Hero

[aesopunbroken.livejournal.com]

[After the events at the DC base have unfolded Mad just rushed to her room as quickly as possible. She was clutching herself tightly, she was curled up into a ball. But she was doing her best not to cry. She was failing badly of course. The tears were still there and she was choking back sobs.. but whenever she did noticed she would just rub her eyes and shut them tightly and try to force herself to stop.]

Fuck...fuck... those...what the fuck were those... goddamn...

[She's struggling to get her emotions into check, but it was near impossible with how hysterical a state she's worked herself into.]

Comments

[muginami_desu]

[And so Muginami walks in, sitting down on the bed, albeit some distance away from Mad.]

...Was it the first time for you? Experiencing something like that, I mean.

[aesopunbroken.livejournal.com]

Watching so many people die like that and not being able to do a fucking thing? Gee...what do YOU think?

[Mad's tone was biting, she doesn't even turn around.]

...Fuck... there were just so many people there... why couldn't even just one of them gotten a chance to get out of it alive?

[muginami_desu]

...It was my first time too...as someone who could have done something about it.

I thought I was already used to it. But you know, I never really understood anything, just like he said.

[She pauses, noting how hard Mad is taking this.]

I'm not saying that you shouldn't grieve...it's just, the more you think about it, the more you realize nothing is going to bring them back.

[aesopunbroken.livejournal.com]

... I know.... it just hurts...I keep saying... I want to be a hero... but then I end up always getting into situations like this and getting tossed all over the place... God... if it wasn't for my friends... if I was still alone...

[She chokes up, her heart and mind hurts at the what could've been.]

I don't know what I would've done...

[muginami_desu]

[So the hero thing really is serious business, like what she'd heard...]

But there are people who are here for you.

If you keep clinging to the 'what-if's like that, you won't get anywhere as a hero, right?

[aesopunbroken.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I guess you're right...

[Mad's still bummed. But she's getting over it better now. Good job.]

[muginami_desu]

[Hearing that, Muginami gets up, bowing slightly in Mad's direction. It's fine if she can't see it, though.]

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you, but I feel that I owe you still after what happened back on Pharos.

Then...

[And with that, she turns around to leave.]